I came across this quote by Brené Brown the other day, and it resonated deeply with me. How often do we talk to ourselves with love and empathy? Most likely, not very often. By saying hurtful things to ourselves that we would never consider saying to another person, we frequently act as our own worst critics.
This powerful statement by Brené Brown, challenges us to replace negative self-talk with empathy and compassion, and to change the way we live our lives.
The Impact of your inner monologue
The words we tell ourselves are important. Our inner monologue influences our self-esteem, choices, and emotional health. Continuously criticizing or condemning ourselves fosters a negative psychological environment. However, talking to yourself with love, patience, and support can help us develop emotional strength, resilience, and self-worth.
What if a close friend confided in you because they were feeling insecure or overwhelmed? Would you tell them, “You always mess up” or “You’re not good enough”? – No! You would offer them words of support and reassure them. Why are we so harsh with ourselves?
Ways to Nurture Yourself with Compassion and Care
While changing how we talk to ourselves takes time, small intentional shifts can make a big difference.
Why not try the following:
1. Take Note of Your Inner Voice
Take note of the words you use to speak to yourself, particularly when you are struggling. Are you being critical or kind? The first step in changing something is raising awareness.
2. Reframe Negative Thoughts
When you find yourself thinking anything harsh, like “I’m a failure,” stop and consider if you would say this to a friend. If not, gently rephrase it with empathy – “I made a mistake, but I’m learning.”
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Offer yourself the same care and empathy that you would give a loved one. Which means giving yourself support and recognizing your struggles without passing judgment.
4. Make Use of Affirmations
Reminding yourself of your value is the purpose of affirmations, not just spreading meaningless optimism. Tell yourself: “I deserve love and kindness.” “I am important.”
5. Acknowledge and Appreciate Your Successes
Recognize your strengths rather than obsessing about what went wrong. Acknowledge your successes no matter how big or small.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Kindness
Loving and kind self-talk affects not just your own health but also how others see you. When you show kindness and compassion to yourself, you increase your capacity for tolerance, empathy, and love for others. Setting a positive example for those around us, including our friends, partners, and kids, who look up to us.
Therefore, take a moment when you catch yourself being self-critical. Consider what you would say to a close friend and show yourself the same support and empathy. You deserve it as much as anyone else.
What compassionate and loving words can you offer yourself today?